Ban Conversion Practices: Syd’s story

For five years, Syd endured conversion practices, made to undergo exorcisms and told she needed to be "cured" just for being herself. She shares her story:

When I was 17, I realised that I was attracted to women. I decided to confide in my Church about how I was feeling. Instead of being met with compassion, I was told there was something wrong with me. 

Soon after sharing that I thought I was gay, the Church began trying to ‘convert’ me. I was told that the devil was in me, trying to steal my soul. They told me that I wasn’t gay and that I just had evil spirits in me. They told me that I would burn in hell fire if I acted on my attraction to women. I really believed that I was demonic and that I was being taken to hell, it was terrifying. It got even worse when I was made to undergo exorcisms, or what they called ‘strong prayers.’ 

A group would surround me, lay hands on my head, and command the devil to leave my body. I was once even locked in a store cupboard. I was so young and scared that I believed everything they told me. I lived in fear all the time.  

I was told I had to wake up at 3am in the night to pray and was made to fast whenever I had feelings towards a woman. It got to a point that I wouldn’t even listen to music by women because I thought it was a sin and would avoid looking at women in general.  

I was also told I wasn’t allowed to tell anyone about what was happening to me and that if I did, I would go to hell. 

They said that people outside of the Universal Church would never understand. This really distanced me from my family, who were concerned about me but didn't know what was going on. It was a toxic environment to be in. 

They often said that I just thought I was gay because of my relationship with my parents and that I only felt this way because I had an aggressive father.  

I was picked on in the church for being too masculine and was told that being more feminine would make me straight. I was consistently told to buy new clothes and accessories to look more feminine. There were multiple times when older women would take me into town to show me the clothes they wanted me to wear. They told me I had to look more feminine to be accepted by God. 

This all went on for about 5 years, and I kept it all to myself.  

Last year I fell in love with a woman and decided to tell the Church this. I said that what they had done hadn’t worked, because I was still gay. They told me that I was stealing the girl from Jesus, and I was working for the devil. That made me not want to pursue anything with her.  

But I also realised that what they had put me through didn’t work – and that they had subjected me to conversion practices. They'd attempted to change my sexual identity.  

But conversion practices do not work. I did everything they told me, and I was still me. I was still gay. That’s when I decided to leave. 

When I first left, I still found it hard to be myself. For years, they drilled it into me that being myself was a sin, letting go of that shame hasn’t been easy. Even though it has felt amazing to be myself, I still feel some shame and guilt because of what has been said to me. I have spent a lot of time wishing I was straight and wondering if I will go to hell. 

On top of that, I now find it hard to believe in anything, my faith has been completely robbed of me, and I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to access it again.  

But there is light. I have a girlfriend now who makes me incredibly happy, and I love being myself. The shame still creeps in sometimes, but I finally know the truth: There was never anything wrong with me. 

I am calling for an immediate ban on conversion therapy practices - it is really important to me. I do not want anyone else to go through what I went through. 

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No one should have to go through what Syd did. Yet, conversion practices are still happening across Great Britain.

We're campaigning to Ban Conversion Practices and calling on the Government to publish draft legislation with no loopholes. Find out more.